I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
