i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
