Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
