my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
