Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
