Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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