What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
