On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
