Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love having hate sex.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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