I wish I could punch you in the face.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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