i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize