Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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