I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
