I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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