Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
