I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize