Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
