The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
