dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
