I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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