The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His nipple licking is glorious
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
