It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
