we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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