R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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