The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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