all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
