he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
