so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
