I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
