like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
