I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
