this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
