I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
