he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
