carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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