Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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