not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
