one might say we're banned from that church
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
