I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
