i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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