shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
