Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
