I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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