he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
