just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
