somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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