oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
