i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
