So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
