It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
