I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
