Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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