The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were destined to go to rehab together
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
