The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
