We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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