Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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