well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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