All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
