I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
