Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
