I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
