Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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