it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
